Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
