The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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