I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This girl is more easily done than said...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
