am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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