I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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