I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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