You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
