I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
