dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
