That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
