it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
