sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
