I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
