dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
