Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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