You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
