I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
