Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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