Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
