Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Vodka?
Forever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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