If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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