I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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