Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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