fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
