I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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