I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
