I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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