I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
