either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
porn star boner night. come get it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
