Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
