That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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