Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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