My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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