If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
