I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
