just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
