it was like his penis was on wheels.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
