You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
