YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
