brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
