my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
