i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
