So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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