just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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