But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
