He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
