she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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