he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
