Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
