My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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