Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
