Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
