my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
