hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
