You can't special order awesome
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
